Do you feel left out and deplorable? Do you carry the weight of difficult decisions? Is reality increasingly an obstacle? Well then, you should try the new diet sweeping the nation: alcoholism. You’ll no longer care about all those little problems that add up. You won’t care at all!

Discover the secret diet of priests, policemen, vets, and the Irish! Drink as little or as much as you want. It’s all natural. You’ll see changes almost immediately, guaranteed. Never again hate your reflection. You’ll see exactly what you want to see!

In time you’ll see increasing change. You’ll lose those unwanted gains: family, friends, employment. You’ll find yourself free to pursue new opportunities…Or not. Happy Hour can be every hour!

Problems will dissolve, all that useless chatter will fade out. You’ll become more popular at parties (*results may vary), become desirable (*results may vary), and take a beautiful woman home every night (*perceptions will vary).

And that new found confidence will enable you to be more comfortable with your emotions, more aggressive in all situations, and more sure in your infallibility. Bills won’t matter, the news won’t matter, pants won’t matter!

Trust us, you need to try alcoholism. It’ll change your life!

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